loved

I have prayed, as all mothers do, that God would give me opportunities to help me teach my children what a real and deep relationship with Him looks like. I am ashamed to admit that when the answer to that prayer showed up as anxiety in my oldest, I wasn't overly thankful - nor did I recognize it as the answer to my prayer. As I think through our conversations over the past few days, I see now that she is sorting through the good and the bad and every little comment is only touching the surface of many deep thoughts, feelings, and questions. And I am thankful that she is feeling deeply and asking questions because that is the beginning of a lifelong relationship with Jesus.

She had preschool graduation this morning and I'm not one to get emotional but there must be something about 'Pomp and Circumstance' that brings it out in me. Happy endings, new beginnings, and celebration... I suppose all of it is definitely worth getting emotional about. :)











She wrote me this note the other day - interpreted: "Mommy you are my best mom. I love you. love, Ivory".


It came at a good time. Like all mothers, I regularly feel like I'm failing, could be doing more, and while I'm trying to be intentional I know I'm missing moments and choosing the wrong priorities and being impatient sometimes (a lot of times). And so I had been in a rut for a while, chastising myself for not doing better but also dragging through my days because #3 is still up at midnight every night, and so I know that there's a limit to how much more I could realistically be doing. But Grant asked me just last night - "are you sure it's God's voice?" and I wasn't, and I'm not... and so I had to stop and think if I was listening to lies. Probably. And then I listened to "Who do you see in the mirror" by Adrian Rogers and then I read about David, who through all of the voices was focused on God alone, and had his identity firmly planted there. And then Ivory gave me this note, and I realized - she loves me because I'm her mom. Just like I love her because she's my daughter. Just like God loves us both because we're his daughters. None of us can do enough good to be loved more... we are loved, simply by nature of being His and being each other's. And there is so much freedom in that, because then, as a mom, I can be me. I don't have to try to be like that other mom. I don't have to question and fear. And it's the same for her. She can feel secure and we can find God in her anxiety because she is LOVED.

Comments

  1. Matt and StephMay 26, 2018 at 7:16 AM

    Someone shared this song with me a couple weeks ago and I thought of it as I read your post. Your children are very blessed to have you as their mother! https://youtu.be/P7EfJRrJueY (More Than Enough by Shawna Edwards)

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